ΕΞΟΜΟΛΟΓΗΣΕΙΣ

I wanna get this out my system.Sometime ago I met a guy who changed my perspective for love, hatred and human behaviour.I was 25, he was a bit older, charming, seductive. It was what millions of romantic authors praise, it was what Hollywood constantly reproduces, it was this sparkle poeple crave to see maybe once in their lives. It was 'love at first sight'.Consuminmg,mesmerising,narcotic...It was a trip to heaven. A journey to a different world. He had all that I was looking for. We spent hours indulging in each other. We talked about the meaning of life, our dreams, our biggest fears, our fantasies...I thought he was my man, my partner for life, my soulmate. He cast light upon some aspects of my inner self I never thought they existed. My dark side...Dangerous game...A mind game that can drive you nuts. Without realising, we developed an obsession for each other.Passionate love-making turned into a game between a couple of flesh-thirsty individuals seeking redemption. The master and the submissive and vice versa. Dark rituals where your body and soul are tarnished by the needs of a twisted mind you are addicted to. I called it my 'guilty pleasure'. The sadistic, self-destructive part of myself pined for him.I knew that it was totally wrong. It was not love,it was not what I wanted, I tried to rationalize myself many times. But I was always back for more. Philosophic conversations about human nature turned into a weird and unpleasant analysis about my behaviour and my feelings for him. Jealousy was his problem. Although the signs of his pathology had made their appearance from the early beginning of our relationship, I was unable to see them. I was blinded by love. I was innocent back then. And he was canny enough to dig into my soul and get the ingredients to tailor the mask of my ideal partner.I had subconsciously put myself in captivity.I let him in and he looted my personnality. I changed. I was alone, fighting with him and my demons. I loved him;trying to keep a balance, struggling to act like a normal, social person, like a normal 25-year old girl fighting for her future, chasing her ambitions and dreams. But he was there, the shadow that sucked every drop of happiness from me. A vicious circle of fighting, crying, begging for forgiveness and making up. Insane...Crazy! I pitty myself.And then the day came... We were both hurt. There is a very thin line between madness and logic. And we crossed it. That day I woke up. Maybe because of the beating and the punches that left permanent marks on my body and crippled my heart. I said to myself it is over. You have to stand up and kill your demons, cure your soul and find the girl you left behind two years ago. I 'm still in the process of doing so.Lost my self-respect, almost lost my brains.I miss him. I want him. My drug, my secret, my passion, my guilty pleasure.Anyway... Moral of the story:Look out for assholes. There are many of them out there!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jb1YcQjOiw