ΕΞΟΜΟΛΟΓΗΣΕΙΣ

Saturday 26.08 19:30So in case you are interested how I am, unfortunately you never asked, but let me tell you. Well, we talked in the morning at 9am. Do you know what time is it now? 19:30. Half a day passed and you were absent. What happened yesterday? Friday morning at 11am we had an argument on the phone. Why? Cause the day before -Thursday - you were absent around the whole day. , and instead of going to the festival as you had said, you decided to go to a sex party at the cruising bar. And on Friday at 4am, I received a voice message telling me you had a great time there, fucked/got fucked a lot and that you don’t regret doing it. And again on Friday morning during our call you told me you had amazing sex and also you had a VIAGRA, and that you slept at the apartment of an American and you felt grateful for that. What I told you on the phone was not to ignore me. Pay a little attention on me. I maybe need it. I maybe want it. Today, Saturday, I spent the whole day at home. Alone. The only one who contacted me was my mother. She wanted to see how I am, cause I had told her I wasn’t paid even if I should. And she really cared about me and tried to find a way to put me some money. Well, I had told you that. Did you ask what happened? No, you didn’t. Let me tell you now. It seems that the secretary at the place I work is on vacations till Sep 1st. So no money till then. You will tell me it’s not your problem. I agree. Of course it is not. But if only you had asked, that would be enough for me. Btw I checked my greek bank card today to see if any money were left there. And unexpectedly , I found out there were some. Do you know what was my first thought? To take the train on Monday and come to you. But really do. You think you deserve that? Me to spend this small amount of money I have, for you? When you treat me like this? Really, if you were in my position, will you feel happy? Would you feel lucky you had met me? Personally I wouldn’t and I don’t. To let you know more, its a super difficult period for my PhD. We are close to finish this fucking paper I have to publish. Can you imagine the pressure? No, you can’t. What you can do is to take a off on a thursday cause you are hungover - Wednesday's night drinks with your friend Paul- and then being less hungover to be able to participate at a sex party at a cruising bar. And today, Saturday at 19:30, do you know whats the most annoying? I see you connect on fb every now and then. And instead of calling me for 5 fucking minutes, as I asked you in the morning, you just ignore me. And I'm sure at 21:30 or 22:00 you will send me a message saying “hi baby, I'm in at another party now” or “ I changed my plans, I stayed in the capital and had good sex” or “ I'm still at the festival by the lake cause I changed my mind , and I didn't take the 11am train to go to the capital as I told you in the morning”. I don't know what to believe anymore. I feel terrible. I lose my balance. Don't know what to do. Instead of being concentrated on my work that is totally needed, I just think and worry and get disappointed by you. The whole story with you seems like a losing game. But the worst thing is that I care so much about you, I love you like sillies do and even if I get angry or disappointed , I will keep trying to save the game, that fucking open open relationship I agreed to be with you where you set the rules. Meanwhile, I will lose myself. Really, this is what you mean by saying you care about someone?NO, that’s not caring. THIS IS A MESS.